søndag 16. januar 2011
fredag 14. januar 2011
torsdag 9. desember 2010
fredag 26. november 2010
things NOT to do when you're just about to head for the bed:
google the words "quote climbing".
shortlist:
"A climber's day always starts at the crux: getting out of bed."
"There are only 3 real sports: bull-fighting, car racing and mountain climbing. All the others are mere games." — Hemingway.
"Where are the holds, Hector ?!?!" — Paulina.
"There were no holds so I had to use skill."
"I think you love rocks so much that they've replaced your brain." — Rex Pieper.
"Getting out of this required a 5.11 Beached Whale move combined with a Bloody Scream, something they never teach in the gym." — Lord Slime.
"I love climbing because it feels so good when I stop..." — Karl 'we're all nuts' Baba.
"One method of getting loved ones to look more fondly on your climbing is to tell them that since you've started climbing you hardly do drugs anymore." — David Harris.
"My definition of a desert towers is: 'Anything big enough that I just can't piss over it'. I've climbed 50 of those so far." — Brad B.
"The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun." — Alex Lowe.
"I've climbed with some of the best climbers in the world, more importantly, to me, they are some of the best people in the world. That's another reason why I climb." — Jim Wickwire.
"In France, a publicly accessible climbing area without bolted lines is viewed like a publicly accessible swimming pool with sharks in it." — David Kastrup.
"In most parts of France, they climb 'French Free'. In Chamonix they climb 'French Expensive'." — Tim.
- i'm going on holiday to france has anyone ever done any rock climbing there and can they suggest good climbs"
- could you give us more information like where in france you're going and when and what kind of climbing you're looking for and at what level whether you have done any research yourself or are just bugging us and anyway why should we take the time to help you when you can't be bothered to even use any punctuation or provide basic information much less actually do any leg work yourself so I am going to guess that you belong in a gym try murmur in paris but just boulder because i have friends there and i would rather you not belay them. — Frederick 'Fritz' Weihe.
"There is no difference between religion and politics. Both involve lies and fanatical beliefs that generaly defy logic... Just like rock climbing." — Dave Schuller.
"My mother used to rock me — and she used big rocks." — Rodney Dangerfield.
"Little primates known as Loris have been observed urinating on their hands and feet — it is thought that they do this to improve their grip while climbing."
"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible." — Doug Lawson.
"They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work." — Casey Stengel.
"Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those who are doing it." — Unknown.
"Yoga is a system, scientifically proven to boost your climbing ability significantly. Why do you think you always see that Guru figure sitting on the top of the mountain? You think he/she got there by enlightenment ?" — Lg.
"Alcohol, firearms and a 4 wheel drive can go a long ways towards making a rain day into a fun rest day." — Frank Stock.
"The argument suggests that additional weight carries best on the climber, distributed naturally in sebaceous deposits by selective overgrazing. On the climber's body, body fat rides close to the center of gravity, moving in consonance with each effort, instead of dangling and swinging with each move, like some drilled out 11 hexcentric. This 'RC corollary'™ thus states that:'A pound on the rack is worth five in the ass'Climbers are urged to trim the rack first, and continue to enjoy quality dining." — Guido.
"To qualify for mountain rescue work, you have to pass our test. The doctor holds a flashlight to your ear. If he can see light coming out the other one, you qualify." — Willi Pfisterer.
"Why ? Why, why, why do I do this ???" — Chuck Pratt.
"Life is brought down to the basics: if you are warm, regular, healthy, not thirsty or hungry, then you are not on a mountain... Climbing at altitude is like hitting your head against a brick wall — it's great when you stop." — Chris Darwin.
"I suggest going out to the nearest pub and getting completely, and utterly, wasted. Make sure you smoke at least 1 pack of unfiltered Camel's. Get the full ashtray, pour a drink in it and then pour the mixture into a water bottle.When you get home (ideally around 3:30am) stick the vile mixture into your freezer. Put on your best goretex and thermal layer. Climb in. At 5:30am, get out, drink (chew?) the mixture and go run the biggest flight of stairs you can find. Run until your heart threatens to explode.Your dehydration caused by the alcohol should adequately simulate what you may experience at higher altitudes. Your lung capacity should be sufficiently impaired by the smokes to simulate a oxygen poor environment. The freezer episode should adequately replicate a bivy. Drinking the booze/butt mixture should simulate your lack of appetite.....Oh — once your finished your workout, go to work (to replicate the long walk out)." — Greg Hamilton suggesting an altitude training methodology.
"You can grunt and heave, sweat and strain, wear yourself out, and unless you simply forget about it and step up, you won't even get off the ground." — Mike Borghoff.
"The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective." — Al Neuharth.
"He's the type who makes mountains out of molehills and then sells climbing equipment."
"How do you distinguish between being off-route and putting up a first ascent ?" — Bruce Bindner.
"I didn't actually want coffee, but I poured myself a cup, just because the pot was there. I guess I'm a lot like George Mallory, who had similar motivation for climbing Mount Everest." — Chuck Bonner.
"I may not be able to pull on the smallest of holds, but those I can pull on I can pull on all day long." — Jimmy Jewel.
"You can't be here: it's public land !" — A snowplow driver at the base of Lincoln Falls (Colorado).
"I climb as hard as anyone on earth. I just do it on easier routes." — Mad Dog.
"Vertigo I can handle alright — It's horizonto that drives me nuts." — Jim Lubell.
"Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers always wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of a machine room." — From Real programmers don't write specs.
"No one is completely useless — They can always serve as a bad example." — Anonymous.
"Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a mountain guide ?A: A pizza can feed a family of four !"
"Climb Now, Work Later." — DMM slogan. Does it apply to their own employees ?
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." — Carl Zwanzig.
"Where does all the white go when the snow melts ?"
"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered." — G.K. Chesterson.
"How can you tell Santa is a climbing bum ?He's got a beard, always wears the same clothes, and only works one day a year."
"Once, I was lost in the wilderness, and I was forced to eat a dog to survive ! Later I realized I was just in the back yard, but boy, was my mom pissed !" — C. Rostan.
"Sport climbing is neither." — Found on a poster at the gendarme in Seneca rocks.
"Dear Lord, please don't let me fuck up." — Attributed to Alan Shepard, the first American astronaut (makes a good rappelling prayer)
"Maybe true. Maybe not true. Better you believe." — Sherpa saying.
"As far as I'm concerned, if someone eliminates the mental part of climbing, then we might as well all go play miniature golf." — Greg Opland.
Definitions:
"Artificial climbing: knack of appearing to climb by talking about it. This technique is best employed far from actual climbing areas, which tend to be hazardous. Small taverns and pizza parlors with an impressionable clientele are excellent sites for artificial climbing."
"Blood /n./ substance commonly used to mark a climbing route."
"Foot jam /n./ offensive accumulation between the toes, caused by wearing the same socks for several days."
"Gorp /interj./ mealtime sound made by a hungry alpinist.
"Rurp /interj./ sound made by a climber after downing a hasty lunch."
"Layback /n./ what a climber looks forward to at the end of a day."
"Line of weakness: long involved explanation for not attempting a route."
"Matterhorn /n./ trumpetlike musical instrument favored by swiss mountaineers."
"Mountaineering /n./ slow walking uphill while not feeling very well."
"Offwidth crack /n./ remark made in a smartass manner."
"Volcano /n./ A mountain with hiccups."
"Wilderness /n./ archaic word used to refer to the space that once existed between urban areas and which is now used as a proving ground for 4-wheel drive vehicles."
"Wilderness travel /n./ art of avoiding snowmobiles, four wheel drives and oil wells."
"Here's the thing. You'd like to talk about yourself and what swell stuff you've climbed lately. "Well in my opinion there are no hard rules for climbing a route, only for talking about it later." — Peter Boyle.
"The difference between climbers and normal workers is that climbers are glad of the Mondays, so they can rest." — Me.
"I think climbers should get credit just for remembering what their jobs are on Mondays." — Gary Clark.
"The next time you curse the fact that it's Monday, just think of it as proof that you made it through another weekend without killing yourself by doing something stupid." — Phil Garding.
"[Climbing is] more interesting than my other daytime activity, which closely resembles the million monkeys theory applied to software development." — Amanda Tarr.
"Welcome to the employee rock-climbing seminar. You'll learn valuable teamwork skills by doing dangerous things unrelated to your jobs." — Dilbert (1997/8/3).
Grades & Ratings
"Routes rate me, not the other way around." — Andy Cairns.
"The whole idea of comparing climbers is ludicrous... It would be like sitting Van Gogh down with Rembrandt and saying: 'Ready, get set, go'." — Pat Ament.
(takk til http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/QuotesClimbing.html)
google the words "quote climbing".
shortlist:
"A climber's day always starts at the crux: getting out of bed."
"There are only 3 real sports: bull-fighting, car racing and mountain climbing. All the others are mere games." — Hemingway.
"Where are the holds, Hector ?!?!" — Paulina.
"There were no holds so I had to use skill."
"I think you love rocks so much that they've replaced your brain." — Rex Pieper.
"Getting out of this required a 5.11 Beached Whale move combined with a Bloody Scream, something they never teach in the gym." — Lord Slime.
"I love climbing because it feels so good when I stop..." — Karl 'we're all nuts' Baba.
"One method of getting loved ones to look more fondly on your climbing is to tell them that since you've started climbing you hardly do drugs anymore." — David Harris.
"My definition of a desert towers is: 'Anything big enough that I just can't piss over it'. I've climbed 50 of those so far." — Brad B.
"The best climber in the world is the one who's having the most fun." — Alex Lowe.
"I've climbed with some of the best climbers in the world, more importantly, to me, they are some of the best people in the world. That's another reason why I climb." — Jim Wickwire.
"In France, a publicly accessible climbing area without bolted lines is viewed like a publicly accessible swimming pool with sharks in it." — David Kastrup.
"In most parts of France, they climb 'French Free'. In Chamonix they climb 'French Expensive'." — Tim.
- i'm going on holiday to france has anyone ever done any rock climbing there and can they suggest good climbs"
- could you give us more information like where in france you're going and when and what kind of climbing you're looking for and at what level whether you have done any research yourself or are just bugging us and anyway why should we take the time to help you when you can't be bothered to even use any punctuation or provide basic information much less actually do any leg work yourself so I am going to guess that you belong in a gym try murmur in paris but just boulder because i have friends there and i would rather you not belay them. — Frederick 'Fritz' Weihe.
"There is no difference between religion and politics. Both involve lies and fanatical beliefs that generaly defy logic... Just like rock climbing." — Dave Schuller.
"My mother used to rock me — and she used big rocks." — Rodney Dangerfield.
"Little primates known as Loris have been observed urinating on their hands and feet — it is thought that they do this to improve their grip while climbing."
"Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible." — Doug Lawson.
"They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work." — Casey Stengel.
"Those who say it can't be done should get out of the way of those who are doing it." — Unknown.
"Yoga is a system, scientifically proven to boost your climbing ability significantly. Why do you think you always see that Guru figure sitting on the top of the mountain? You think he/she got there by enlightenment ?" — Lg.
"Alcohol, firearms and a 4 wheel drive can go a long ways towards making a rain day into a fun rest day." — Frank Stock.
"The argument suggests that additional weight carries best on the climber, distributed naturally in sebaceous deposits by selective overgrazing. On the climber's body, body fat rides close to the center of gravity, moving in consonance with each effort, instead of dangling and swinging with each move, like some drilled out 11 hexcentric. This 'RC corollary'™ thus states that:'A pound on the rack is worth five in the ass'Climbers are urged to trim the rack first, and continue to enjoy quality dining." — Guido.
"To qualify for mountain rescue work, you have to pass our test. The doctor holds a flashlight to your ear. If he can see light coming out the other one, you qualify." — Willi Pfisterer.
"Why ? Why, why, why do I do this ???" — Chuck Pratt.
"Life is brought down to the basics: if you are warm, regular, healthy, not thirsty or hungry, then you are not on a mountain... Climbing at altitude is like hitting your head against a brick wall — it's great when you stop." — Chris Darwin.
"I suggest going out to the nearest pub and getting completely, and utterly, wasted. Make sure you smoke at least 1 pack of unfiltered Camel's. Get the full ashtray, pour a drink in it and then pour the mixture into a water bottle.When you get home (ideally around 3:30am) stick the vile mixture into your freezer. Put on your best goretex and thermal layer. Climb in. At 5:30am, get out, drink (chew?) the mixture and go run the biggest flight of stairs you can find. Run until your heart threatens to explode.Your dehydration caused by the alcohol should adequately simulate what you may experience at higher altitudes. Your lung capacity should be sufficiently impaired by the smokes to simulate a oxygen poor environment. The freezer episode should adequately replicate a bivy. Drinking the booze/butt mixture should simulate your lack of appetite.....Oh — once your finished your workout, go to work (to replicate the long walk out)." — Greg Hamilton suggesting an altitude training methodology.
"You can grunt and heave, sweat and strain, wear yourself out, and unless you simply forget about it and step up, you won't even get off the ground." — Mike Borghoff.
"The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective." — Al Neuharth.
"He's the type who makes mountains out of molehills and then sells climbing equipment."
"How do you distinguish between being off-route and putting up a first ascent ?" — Bruce Bindner.
"I didn't actually want coffee, but I poured myself a cup, just because the pot was there. I guess I'm a lot like George Mallory, who had similar motivation for climbing Mount Everest." — Chuck Bonner.
"I may not be able to pull on the smallest of holds, but those I can pull on I can pull on all day long." — Jimmy Jewel.
"You can't be here: it's public land !" — A snowplow driver at the base of Lincoln Falls (Colorado).
"I climb as hard as anyone on earth. I just do it on easier routes." — Mad Dog.
"Vertigo I can handle alright — It's horizonto that drives me nuts." — Jim Lubell.
"Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers always wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of a machine room." — From Real programmers don't write specs.
"No one is completely useless — They can always serve as a bad example." — Anonymous.
"Q: What's the difference between a large pizza and a mountain guide ?A: A pizza can feed a family of four !"
"Climb Now, Work Later." — DMM slogan. Does it apply to their own employees ?
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." — Carl Zwanzig.
"Where does all the white go when the snow melts ?"
"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered." — G.K. Chesterson.
"How can you tell Santa is a climbing bum ?He's got a beard, always wears the same clothes, and only works one day a year."
"Once, I was lost in the wilderness, and I was forced to eat a dog to survive ! Later I realized I was just in the back yard, but boy, was my mom pissed !" — C. Rostan.
"Sport climbing is neither." — Found on a poster at the gendarme in Seneca rocks.
"Dear Lord, please don't let me fuck up." — Attributed to Alan Shepard, the first American astronaut (makes a good rappelling prayer)
"Maybe true. Maybe not true. Better you believe." — Sherpa saying.
"As far as I'm concerned, if someone eliminates the mental part of climbing, then we might as well all go play miniature golf." — Greg Opland.
Definitions:
"Artificial climbing: knack of appearing to climb by talking about it. This technique is best employed far from actual climbing areas, which tend to be hazardous. Small taverns and pizza parlors with an impressionable clientele are excellent sites for artificial climbing."
"Blood /n./ substance commonly used to mark a climbing route."
"Foot jam /n./ offensive accumulation between the toes, caused by wearing the same socks for several days."
"Gorp /interj./ mealtime sound made by a hungry alpinist.
"Rurp /interj./ sound made by a climber after downing a hasty lunch."
"Layback /n./ what a climber looks forward to at the end of a day."
"Line of weakness: long involved explanation for not attempting a route."
"Matterhorn /n./ trumpetlike musical instrument favored by swiss mountaineers."
"Mountaineering /n./ slow walking uphill while not feeling very well."
"Offwidth crack /n./ remark made in a smartass manner."
"Volcano /n./ A mountain with hiccups."
"Wilderness /n./ archaic word used to refer to the space that once existed between urban areas and which is now used as a proving ground for 4-wheel drive vehicles."
"Wilderness travel /n./ art of avoiding snowmobiles, four wheel drives and oil wells."
"Here's the thing. You'd like to talk about yourself and what swell stuff you've climbed lately. "Well in my opinion there are no hard rules for climbing a route, only for talking about it later." — Peter Boyle.
"The difference between climbers and normal workers is that climbers are glad of the Mondays, so they can rest." — Me.
"I think climbers should get credit just for remembering what their jobs are on Mondays." — Gary Clark.
"The next time you curse the fact that it's Monday, just think of it as proof that you made it through another weekend without killing yourself by doing something stupid." — Phil Garding.
"[Climbing is] more interesting than my other daytime activity, which closely resembles the million monkeys theory applied to software development." — Amanda Tarr.
"Welcome to the employee rock-climbing seminar. You'll learn valuable teamwork skills by doing dangerous things unrelated to your jobs." — Dilbert (1997/8/3).
Grades & Ratings
"Routes rate me, not the other way around." — Andy Cairns.
"The whole idea of comparing climbers is ludicrous... It would be like sitting Van Gogh down with Rembrandt and saying: 'Ready, get set, go'." — Pat Ament.
(takk til http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/QuotesClimbing.html)
Abonner på:
Innlegg (Atom)